Thursday, August 03, 2006

The curse of self-imposed pressure

Thank God it's raining today. It's been cooler for a couple of days now, and the temperature in my apartment is back to normal now. It was about time!

Below is a picture of my last FO, baby sandals from an old Schachenmayr magazine. They are sooo cute! I made them with the Holz&Stein rosewood needles K gave me a while ago, and the colors looked so adorable. I'm thinking if I should make another pair of the sandals, but then again, seaming the sandals, weaving in the ends and sewing on the buttons was quite a pain in the ass. It took a disproportionate amount of time, compared to how long it took to knit them. But they are so pretty!

Oh well, I'll see. I still have quite some baby yarn leftover, and I definitely want to make more baby stuff.

It's a bit weird; ever since I started blogging, I always feel that I have to knit something (preferably something that's in fashion right now, or with a popular yarn), that I should take part in some kind of swap or palooza or knitalong or whatever's there. Even when I know that I'm not so interested in reading tons of other blogs, or that I simply do not have the time to do so. Or the money, or, more importantly, that I don't have the space for loads of yarn purchases for the gazillion projects that I'd like to make (and later on, while knitting, I get insecure if I'd really wear what I'm making. This just happened to the Victoria Tank).
I don't know if anyone of you knows this kind of feeling... is blogland just getting to fast for me? Now, I'm not saying it's bad to have so many swaps and knitalongs and God-knows-what-else going on, not at all. For example, I would have liked to take part in the sequel of Yarn Aboard, because I think it's a fun thing to do and I like the idea of the travelling box. But I didn't sign up, because for so many reasons... like wondering, 'is my pal going to be happy with what I send her', or thinking that I should read the blog entries of what the others received, or whatsoever. Above all, it would mean that I have to spend time reading even more blogs, that I have to buy more yarn even though I should save the money (I know I could afford it. On the other hand, I also know that it would be wiser to just save the money for the upcoming tuition fees, or a holiday), and it wouldn't reduce my stash. In general, that's not something I would worry about, it's only that my stash boxes are bursting at the seams. And my apartment is simply not big enough for more boxes (unless I throw K out... but he's been cooking a lot for me lately, so I better keep him). That's why I want to use some of the yarn I have already before I go and buy even more for new projects.
Knitting sure can be a curse! The curse of self-imposed pressure, that is. Nobody is forcing me to new projects after all. So, what am I afraid of? That I lose my readers because what I'm doing isn't "interesting" enough? That nobody leaves me a comment any more, that the internets community deserts me? This is why I'm in therapy (and no, it sure isn't a retail therapy)
I know that this won't happen. ( I hope. Oh, common, stop it, you know it won't.) Geez, it's incredible how much pressure a blog can put on one. Even though it's all in my head only.


CHristine said...

You are so funny! You are a great package giver and I think that anyone would be thrilled to have you as a partner! How about a "Yarn abroad" swap just between us????

amanda said...

Adorable booties!

And I understand what you're saying because I feel it too! And I know several other bloggers well and in talking with them via the phone we all have the same concerns, worries, and self-imposed stress. I'm trying to be much better about being true to myself and if that means I knit nothing but stockinette st. socks for the next 3 months, then I'm gonna accept it.

And btw, I think you send fantabulous packages my dear so don't fret on that account!