Never enough?

Last night I had an emotional low of quite some depth. I started thinking about how I always think that whatever I do, it's never enough, that I often think when I don't do something perfectly, I fail. I was writing a blog post in my mind, telling you rather open-heartedly about my dreams and fears (mostly about the fears). This is a bit paradoxical, as I don't open up to people for quite some time; but I guess internet communication makes this a bit different. I wanted to tell you that I would like to be a better blog writer, that I would write more frequently and in a better style. That I would like to knit more and faster, so I could present you more. That I would overcome my exam nerves and get my thesis done (if I don't want to extend, the next two months are going to be stressful. Very stressful), because I don't like Uni any more. I just want it to stop, even though I don't have a plan for afterwards. Which freaks me out even more.

I am so glad that K is here to support me, calm me down when I'm angst-ridden again and that he just listens to my never-ending problems. He's going on holiday to visit his friends and family in Melbourne, Australia, soon, and I'll be staying here, thanks to my thesis. I would love to go with him, but I know I have to get things done (and I hope I will); I understand perfectly that he wants to go, as he hasn't seen his folks in over 3 years now. As a surprise when he's back, I plan to finish the K_sweater in the meantime. I started with the sleeves on the weekend, but didn't get much done yet. (Can you see what I'm doing again? I really shouldn't say that; instead, I should say something like "even though I didn't have much knitting time on the weekend at all, I got lots of the sleeve done - almost the whole cuff" to cut out the "I failed"-message)

Why am I telling you this? I guess blogging does make me open up to (complete) strangers. Hey stranger! Say hello! (Or maybe I'm still stuck in the "6 weird things about me"-meme...) I think I should make an intention, not just for 2007, but for... maybe forever. Don't get scared so much. Don't scare myself so much. Start seeing the glass half-full instead of half-empty. Focus - on one thing at a time. Don't annoy people by telling them how you think you're one big failure.

I'd like to finish this post with a picture I took at Schloss Nymphenburg, back in September, so this post has a nice ending. It's a detailed shot of a lamp's foot outside the castle. I like this photo a lot, I had it as a background on my desktop for a while. Hope you like it too!